Or, smacking me in the head and saying, "Who's in control here? Obviously not you." God's way of saying, "will you just calm down and let me handle this?".
Yesterday, we learned that our birthmother has moved out of state to live with a previous boyfriend, temporarily. Yes, she still wants to place the baby for adoption. And yes, she still definitely wants us to be the parents of this child. She just may need us to come to this other state to "pick the baby up" if she goes into labor while still living there.
Now, in a perfect world, this would not be a problem, but it seems there are some legal issues involved with adopting out of your own state, so this could get pretty complicated. And expensive. Particularly if our homestudy agency drags their feet on getting our report done.
We have done everything we can do. We have all of our paperwork in to the homestudy and have done the visits. Our lawyer has all the information from us that he needs. We have some pretty little baby clothes and a crib and a car seat and a bunch of other essentials and non-essentials ready for baby to arrrive.
What we don't have is any shred of control over where or when this baby will be born, and how much additional legal challenges and expense we'll have to face because of the change-of-state. All we can do is wait and see what happens. And that is DRIVING. ME. CRAZY.
Obviously, I have a control issue. And apparently God is trying to teach me a lesson in a very painful and expensive way. Oh, and draging my husband along for the ride as he is the one who has to deal with the fallout over my impatience and lack of control.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Reflections on a gentle soul...
I woke up this morning to the news that a very dear friend of mine lost her husband early this morning. He had a long battle with cancer, and he died in the early morning hours. She was by his side. According to second-hand accounts, he slipped gently from this world into the next while praying with his wife by his side.
This man was an inspiration to me. For all the time I've known him, he's been dealing with cancer, but always with a smile on his face and a prayer in his heart. He was honestly one of the most deeply prayerful people I've ever known. He had complete trust that his life was in God's hands and that his pain was a part of God's plan. I've never seen anyone deal quite so cheerfully with pain and illness.
My husband and I were fortunate to be able to attend an open house they had several weeks ago, where family and friends could come to visit. They knew the end was near, but at the time, he was still feeling well enough to laugh and talk with visitors. I remember him so vividly now...his manner of speaking, his gestures, the way he was able to focus entirely on the person he was speaking to without being distracted by other visitors or the many children running around. He had the ability to be truly present to others. That is rare.
While I rejoice that his pain has been removed and am confident that an eternal reward awaits this good and faithful servant of God, I am so sad for his young family. He leaves behind a wife and six children, the youngest of whom will be three years old in a few weeks. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like for my dear friend, but I know that she and her family will not be far from my thoughts and prayers for a long time.
This man was an inspiration to me. For all the time I've known him, he's been dealing with cancer, but always with a smile on his face and a prayer in his heart. He was honestly one of the most deeply prayerful people I've ever known. He had complete trust that his life was in God's hands and that his pain was a part of God's plan. I've never seen anyone deal quite so cheerfully with pain and illness.
My husband and I were fortunate to be able to attend an open house they had several weeks ago, where family and friends could come to visit. They knew the end was near, but at the time, he was still feeling well enough to laugh and talk with visitors. I remember him so vividly now...his manner of speaking, his gestures, the way he was able to focus entirely on the person he was speaking to without being distracted by other visitors or the many children running around. He had the ability to be truly present to others. That is rare.
While I rejoice that his pain has been removed and am confident that an eternal reward awaits this good and faithful servant of God, I am so sad for his young family. He leaves behind a wife and six children, the youngest of whom will be three years old in a few weeks. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like for my dear friend, but I know that she and her family will not be far from my thoughts and prayers for a long time.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
On procreation and adoption
We found out last week why the birthmother missed her appointment. She wasn't feeling well and ended up in the hospital with contractions and dilating! She has since been released, with instructions to continue on some sort of contraction-stopping medication for the duration of the pregnancy. And she is still pretty strong on the whole adoption plan, so we are reassured.
So, moving forward, we've been doing our homestudy visits this week...home inspection, interviews and family preparation (educational stuff). The preparation part is a bit repetitious, but only because we are extremely well-educated on most of these issues already, having read books and websites about all the issues we could/will be facing.
However, one thing came up that got us thinking...the issue of artificial twinning. That is, raising two unrelated children that are less than nine months apart in age.
Why did this get us thinking? Well, it made us consider what to do about our intention to continue to pursue pregnancy. We certainly haven't decided that there's no hope in that area, because there certainly is. But we recognize that this child that we may be blessed to adopt will need our FULL attention for a time, expecially while she's still in a very formative stage of life. Apparently, the first twelve months are pretty crucial when it comes to attachment and trust with adopted infants.
We don't intend to pursue pregnancy before this baby is born, but now we are considering timing of when we should really start trying again, and I'm thinking that we may put off our efforts to conceive for at least several months. We'll do some "fixing" in the meantime...trying to get my hormones and cycles in just the right balance, which they apparently have never been. But to deliberately avoid that oft-anticipated "fertile time" seems almost wrong after focusing on that time for more than two years now. It's just a bit of a paradigm shift.
I'm learning more and more to trust God's plan in all of this. I'm sure His plan is far greater than anything I can come up with.
So, moving forward, we've been doing our homestudy visits this week...home inspection, interviews and family preparation (educational stuff). The preparation part is a bit repetitious, but only because we are extremely well-educated on most of these issues already, having read books and websites about all the issues we could/will be facing.
However, one thing came up that got us thinking...the issue of artificial twinning. That is, raising two unrelated children that are less than nine months apart in age.
Why did this get us thinking? Well, it made us consider what to do about our intention to continue to pursue pregnancy. We certainly haven't decided that there's no hope in that area, because there certainly is. But we recognize that this child that we may be blessed to adopt will need our FULL attention for a time, expecially while she's still in a very formative stage of life. Apparently, the first twelve months are pretty crucial when it comes to attachment and trust with adopted infants.
We don't intend to pursue pregnancy before this baby is born, but now we are considering timing of when we should really start trying again, and I'm thinking that we may put off our efforts to conceive for at least several months. We'll do some "fixing" in the meantime...trying to get my hormones and cycles in just the right balance, which they apparently have never been. But to deliberately avoid that oft-anticipated "fertile time" seems almost wrong after focusing on that time for more than two years now. It's just a bit of a paradigm shift.
I'm learning more and more to trust God's plan in all of this. I'm sure His plan is far greater than anything I can come up with.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
It has been a busy few weeks...
In the realm of unexpected twists and turns...
Tuesday, August 21st: I receive a call from a counselor who knew we had been researching adoption. She has a woman interested in placing a baby, due in November. Would we be interested? (Of course)
Wednesday, August 22nd: Begin researching agencies that do homestudies. Call lawyers, select one to hire.
Thursday, August 30th: Appointment with Dr. D. to discuss new strategies in the fertility world. Mutually decided that Clomid is only making things worse. Make plans to discontinue Clomid and possibly begin luteal phase HCG in next cycle.
Thursday, September 6th: My husband and I meet with the birthmother and her counselor. She asks a lot of questions, seems concerned that we know that the baby is biracial (we are completely aware) and that we are ready for that challenge. She seems to like us and she also seems to be pretty resolute in her decision to place the baby.
Friday, September 7th: We meet with our attorney to discuss what will happen next. Attorney is very concerned that he be able to get the name/location of the birthfather ASAP so he can be served with papers to ensure that his rights are terminated voluntarily or by a process of a 30-day waiting period. Attorney wants this out of the way before the birth of the baby to save us legal hassles and/or potentially having the whole plan fall through after spending lots of money etc. Birthmom is scheduled for another session with her counselor next week, so maybe she will give up the name then (has previously been reluctant to do so).
Tuesday, September 11th: Counselor notified me that birthmother did not show up for her session today. She wasn't able to reach the birthmother by phone today.
I am completely and totally overwhelmed. After meeting the birthmother, I was on a high and felt very confident that this would all go well. Now, I'm afraid that something happened to change her mind, or maybe the birthfather raised objections to placing the baby for adoption and she was scared to admit this to the counselor. I hope and pray that the counselor is able to reach her soon so we have some answers.
In the meantime, I'm trying to be positive, to focus on health and fertility concerns, to not worry too much about the home visit we have for our homestudy next week and that we are dropping some big bucks to have that done and we aren't totally sure what will happen. But also, I think about the little girl (the baby's a girl) who may be our child, the name we chose for her, and the due date looming in the background (early November). And praying that God works it all out for the good of everyone involved.
Tuesday, August 21st: I receive a call from a counselor who knew we had been researching adoption. She has a woman interested in placing a baby, due in November. Would we be interested? (Of course)
Wednesday, August 22nd: Begin researching agencies that do homestudies. Call lawyers, select one to hire.
Thursday, August 30th: Appointment with Dr. D. to discuss new strategies in the fertility world. Mutually decided that Clomid is only making things worse. Make plans to discontinue Clomid and possibly begin luteal phase HCG in next cycle.
Thursday, September 6th: My husband and I meet with the birthmother and her counselor. She asks a lot of questions, seems concerned that we know that the baby is biracial (we are completely aware) and that we are ready for that challenge. She seems to like us and she also seems to be pretty resolute in her decision to place the baby.
Friday, September 7th: We meet with our attorney to discuss what will happen next. Attorney is very concerned that he be able to get the name/location of the birthfather ASAP so he can be served with papers to ensure that his rights are terminated voluntarily or by a process of a 30-day waiting period. Attorney wants this out of the way before the birth of the baby to save us legal hassles and/or potentially having the whole plan fall through after spending lots of money etc. Birthmom is scheduled for another session with her counselor next week, so maybe she will give up the name then (has previously been reluctant to do so).
Tuesday, September 11th: Counselor notified me that birthmother did not show up for her session today. She wasn't able to reach the birthmother by phone today.
I am completely and totally overwhelmed. After meeting the birthmother, I was on a high and felt very confident that this would all go well. Now, I'm afraid that something happened to change her mind, or maybe the birthfather raised objections to placing the baby for adoption and she was scared to admit this to the counselor. I hope and pray that the counselor is able to reach her soon so we have some answers.
In the meantime, I'm trying to be positive, to focus on health and fertility concerns, to not worry too much about the home visit we have for our homestudy next week and that we are dropping some big bucks to have that done and we aren't totally sure what will happen. But also, I think about the little girl (the baby's a girl) who may be our child, the name we chose for her, and the due date looming in the background (early November). And praying that God works it all out for the good of everyone involved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)