Anxiety

I haven't written much lately, because writing gets my brain moving and thinking about things going on and things coming up. And right now I'd just rather not think about anything. Because when I do, there's all this anxiety.

We have about ten days left until we leave for Omaha.

In ten days, we'll be driving hundreds of miles to a hospital where I'll undergo two procedures to clean up endometriosis and adhesions. The first surgery requires a hospital stay. I try not to think about it because hospital stay = pain. The outpatient laparoscopy is bad enough, but laparotomy? I have no experience with how this is going to go, and that makes me very uncomfortable.

I've been in contact with the doctor's billing office. They can't give me an estimate of costs yet because our insurance hasn't processed the claims from the last surgery. Though insurance is supposed to cover these things at a certain rate, I have all this anxiety about them denying this for one reason or another. And then what? I can't even think about that.

My husband has to be away from his office and with me this whole time. And that's just hard.

We don't have a hotel arranged yet. That's a pretty minor thing and easily solved...but it's one more thing to deal with.

Worst...Olivia is staying home with grandparents. For two and a half weeks. While I'll be biding my time waiting and healing between the two surgeries, the best I can do is talk to her on the phone.

I can't even put it into words. Just anxiety.