Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Oh yes, it was hard.

OK, so I wrote a post several days ago about vacation with the family, and then I deleted it before posting because...well, it just vented all of my disappointments and frustrations, and you don't want to read that. Let's just say that vacation was hard. There were fun parts. But spending a week together with Joe's family was better in theory than in reality. They don't really get along so well under usual circumstances, and here we all were in a cabin together for a week. So you can imagine. There was an underlying tension, too, surrounding our handling of Olivia because all of the other grandkids are teenagers and, well, everyone had advice. Because THEY could do it better. And, well, you can imagine how well that went over.

Needless to say, we probably won't be doing THAT again anytime soon. Ahem.

We've been so off schedule this week, but being home is so good. We are going here and there and doing summer stuff and taking teeny naps and staying up late. And the weekend is going to be more of the same. And I am surprisingly OK with that. It's just nice to relax and be US again. No pressure.

Hope you have a very nice holiday weekend!

Thursday, June 17, 2010


This has been a weird week. Unsettling.

It began with news of the death of a local businessman who is known to EVERYONE around here. A pillar of the community. A visionary. A major player in the growth of tourism and the continued growth and stability of the economy in our little corner of the world. A man whose face everyone recognizes. Dead at 48, presumably because of complications with a very common and very manageable disease...one which hits a little too close to home. And the whole week has been a bit...off. Unsettling.

Olivia's schedule has been, well, nonexistent this week. She wakes up late, she naps at weird times, she goes to bed TOO late, and she has been waking me up at night again. I imagine that this is all my fault, of course, for not waking her up on time, getting her home for regular naps, and keeping her on schedule. But Summer fun makes it very difficult to stay on task with the schedule. And...

We're leaving on Saturday for vacation (read: nonexistent schedule for a week, so why bother). We'll be sharing two huge cabins in Branson with Joe's whole family, and his Mom has planned food and researched activities for the whole week. So for the first time in...well, forever...I am leaving on vacation without a lick of research done. It feels good. I don't really care what we do while we are there...as long as I can figure out a way to manage Olivia's behavior and sleep, we'll be fine.

So. Ciao. Have a nice week. I will likely be absent from here until we get back.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Seven something-or-others

1. We went to Local Theme Park (yes, again) this morning, but this time with friends, which makes me feel obligated to stay until Olivia is falling-down tired. Which happened at about 1:30 p.m. She asked for her blankie in the stroller ride out and fell asleep almost as soon as she was strapped into the car. Yes, this kid still needs a nap.

2. On the other hand, our little friend, who is exactly ten days older than Olivia, was still going strong when we left. This is, perhaps, because he takes things more slowly...walks instead of runs, sits in the stroller instead of jumping out every two minutes, assesses the situation before deciding what to do next instead of just running back and forth as if that will maximize the amount of fun you can have in one day.

3. My child, in contrast, starts running the moment she finishes breakfast and doesn't stop until I MAKE her lay down for a nap or she just collapses from sheer exhaustion. THIS is why she still needs a nap.

4. I've found that no matter how often I tell people how active Olivia is, they don't truly BELIEVE it until they see it with their own eyes. Our little friend's Mommy is now a believer.

5. And as a result of keeping up with my little tornado for FOUR hours this morning, I'm now exhausted. I usually wear out after about two hours and drag her home against her will.

6. Due to the later-than-normal nap, I'm trying to calculate the best possible time to wake her up. If it is too late, then bedtime will be a nightmare. But when is too late? I still haven't found a good answer to this question.

7. I'm debating whether or not to take her BACK to Local Theme Park this afternoon. I'm leaning toward letting her Daddy take her after dinner. I've had my workout for the day.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Ah, Summer

We've barely started our summer vacation...the part where it's just me and Olivia and the freedom to do whatever comes to mind (and doesn't cost much)...and I'm already loving it. There are days when I'd rather curl up with a book and stay in the air conditioning, but once I make the commitment to get us both properly dressed and sun-protected, we always have fun.

So far this week we've been to Local Theme Park three times. She just loves that place and there's so much to do. I don't even mind the hot weather so much. It's just fun to watch my kid enjoy the sun and the heat. And now that my incisions are pretty well healed, the water...

Time to wake Olivia up for an afternoon of waterpark. I need to wear her out today so she goes to sleep on time tonight. One side effect of our lackadaisical attitude toward Olivia's schedule now that we are in "Summer" mode is that she absolutely refuses to go to bed until LATE. Must work on that...

Sunday, June 6, 2010


Those of you who have been reading for awhile know that I spent last week in Omaha enduring a series of tests and procedures to figure out exactly what causes the wacky cycles, intermittent pain and infertility. We got a lot of information that leads to a series of diagnoses. There are a couple of hormones that are low and need to be addressed, as well as a chronic inflammation of the endometrium that we can treat fairly easily. The rest was not so easy.

As it turns out, I have more endometriosis. In addition, the endometriosis that was lasered during my surgery in 2006 led to adhesions...a lot of adhesions. We saw a video that they took during the scope. One tube is twisted. The other is sort of kinked. And ALL of my reproductive organs are bound to each other and to other organs by these rubber-band-like adhesions.

So. It can be fixed. But it will require more surgery. The kind that requires 3-4 nights in the hospital and a 6-week recovery. Oh, and a two-week stay in Omaha, with a second laparoscopic procedure to take place ten days after the first, invasive one. This procedure is unique to Dr. Hilgers and leaves a 3-4% chance of recurring adhesions (as opposed to a 60% + chance typical with this surgery), and it's absolutely the right thing to do for various reasons. It dramatically improves my chance of someday getting pregnant. But more important than that, it dramatically reduces the chance of future hysterectomy...a chance that, right now, is high. And I REALLY want to avoid that.

There is a lot to do. I've had to notify the parents of the kids I watch, who now have to find alternate arrangements for their kids for more than a month. My husband needs to figure out how to do some work away from work, as he doesn't have enough vacation left to cover two weeks away. Most importantly, we need to figure out what to do with Olivia. And I am filled with anxiety at the prospect of leaving her home for more than two weeks. Leaving her for ONE week was HARD, and she's suffering from some behavioral issues as a result. I don't even want to THINK about how to deal with two weeks. I want to just hire a nanny to come along, get a second hotel room and bring her with us. But I'm pretty sure that's not the most cost effective option, and probably not the best option for Olivia's stability or for my recovery anyway.

And yet, as I imagine lying in a hotel room doing nothing but resting for days between the two procedures, I'm filled with dread at the thought that Olivia will be so far away and I can't be with her. I don't even have any idea who will watch her during those two weeks yet. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

At the end of this, I should have a state of health like I haven't known in years, if ever. But right now, what I'm feeling...I don't wanna go. I don't wanna have major surgery and feel pain and exhaustion for weeks while I recover. I don't wanna leave my baby at home. I know this is the right thing for us, but it is pushing me WAY outside my comfort zone.