5 months, Christmas, goodbye 2012, etc...

I am not good at updating here in the midst of holiday madness (obvs), so here's a holiday recap:

This little guy hit the 5-month mark. Like, 8 days ago. Yes, the photo was actually taken on the 23rd. See above re: lousy updating.

Seriously? We're doing this monkey photo thing again? Haven't I taken enough photos with this silly monkey?

Olivia was struck with the evil stomach bug the Thursday before Christmas, which resulted in an entire night of no sleep for me or her and missing her last day of school in 2012. Alas. They don't actually DO anything on the last day of school before the holidays anyway, right?

Luckily, it was a short-lived bug and no one else in the house got it. Martin, however, came down with a wicked cold the morning he turned 5 months old (thus the slobbery, snotty, sleepy look on his face in the above photo), which he carried into the next week. To be fair, the poor kid didn't get a chance to nap much in the next couple of days for all the family gatherings we were attending. So by the time we got to Christmas morning, he was more interested in sleep than in shiny wrapping paper.

Olivia: "Look Martin! Santa came!" Martin: "I don't get it. Did you HAVE to wake me up for this?"

He slept most of Christmas Day and the following day, and then we were back to more family parties for the other side of the family. All things considered, I think both kids weathered the holiday frenzy pretty well. Olivia was a little more hyper than usual. Martin was a little grumpier than usual. We survived. Gifts were exchanged. Relatives were visited. Baby Martin was passed around. We spent a lot of family time together and are all pretty ready to get back to routine.

WHAT?! That milk was for Santa? Why didn't you tell me?!!

Whoa, Mommy. What is that jingle thing on your head?

Olivia and Santa are old pals.

Martin, on the other hand, wasn't so sure about the guy in the red suit.

2012 was good to us. For details on that, go here. We are very blessed.

Happy New Year!!

Blessed

A couple of nights ago, during bedtime prayers, we talked about how God doesn't always give us what we want, but He gives us what we need. Joe explained to Olivia that he was thankful that God gave him each person in this family and that God knew better than he did what he needed to be happy.

Now that we've come down from the November madness and the Christmas gifts are bought/wrapped/hidden and the house is decorated and (finally) relatively clean, I have had time to sit and just enjoy my kids. I'm taking time to appreciate the blessings that I have.

I've discussed Olivia's gifts and talents at length here for years now. The kid is beautiful, energetic, and amazingly gifted. Lately, she has been enlightening us with her many observations. She doesn't miss a thing.

Martin is the easiest baby I have ever met. He sleeps well, he doesn't fuss much, and he mostly just likes to smile a lot. And squeal. And laugh at himself for squealing. I mean, he's just a little bundle of delightfulness. He loves to be held, of course, and sometimes he'll be sitting on my lap and then he'll just tilt his head back to look up at me and watch me. Just...watch. And then I look down at him and he gives me this huge grin.

It doesn't get much better than that, folks.

Oh, but then it does. Like when he's being cradled, sucking his fingers, trying to fall asleep. And then he pulls his hand out of his mouth. He reaches up to touch my face and he studies me. And then he gives me that look like I am the single most important and adored person in his little world.

His sister is good at making him laugh. He adores her too.

We are blessed. These kids, this life. It is more than I would have expected and better than I could have imagined. This season, I am so thankful for our little family.

I started this post yesterday, before this happened. And then I wasn't sure how to finish it, because how can you even see through the enormity of evil that is flashing across our media screens today? I will pray for these families. I will probably think of them often in the coming weeks. But I will also hug and kiss my babies and not allow the news to destroy my joy. That joy is a gift, and I will not allow evil to destroy it.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle...

November summary

November completely wiped me out. I'm still recovering. Between our anniversary, my birthday, Olivia's birthday, Martin's baptism, two visits with Martin's birthparents (including a chance to meet his bio dad, who just adored our sweet baby), Thanksgiving and finally, Martin's court finalization...well, we were busy.

On top of that, we caught cold after cold (and by we, I mean me and Martin).

Martin's mid-month cold morphed into viral pneumonia, leading to breathing treatments. Then my sleep-thru-the-night baby decided to wake up every night at 3 a.m. and stay wide awake for two hours, babbling loudly.

I got what felt like a sinus infection in the midst of that lovely sleep-deprived week. For a week, my head felt like it would explode. Now all of that cold nastiness has settled into my chest.

(I would suck as a spy. Sleep deprivation is an easy and most effective form of torture. Last night, I was ready to divulge state secrets...if I had any...to Martin if he would just go to sleep already!)

At this rate, I'm figuring that we'll be healthy just in time to catch the next round of colds from my nieces and nephews at Christmas.

All this is to say that my brain is not functioning at its best at the moment. But I did want to share this lovely moment from last Thursday, November 29th...the day when Martin legally joined our family.

Whew. OK, Christmas. Bring it on.

Four months

"For Christmas, I would like Santa to bring me a teething necklace, some light-up toys, and maybe a ball..."

"What Dad? We're not making a video-letter for Santa? What ARE we doing then?"

"Oh, we're taking a picture? Well, I don't really want to smile right now, and here are my reasons. First of all..."

Catching up for early November

Holy Cow, this is a busy month!

I think I've mentioned that November is National Adoption Awareness Month or something. Well, this weekend was National Adoption Awareness DAY, although I can't remember if it was Saturday or Sunday. We've been a bit preoccupied here.

This was our first weekend in months that we didn't have something planned. That was great for two reasons. First, the weather was fantastic for getting outside and working in the yard. Second, the baby is sick and taking breathing treatments. Although he doesn't act sick, he has been wheezy and congested forever and has a bad cough. Chest xray suggests viral pneumonia. So it has been long naps and breathing treatments for him.

Anyway, catch-up time. Let's start with November 3rd.

Breakfast on our roadtrip to see birthmother

Saturday, November 3rd, we traveled three hours to visit Martin's birthmother for the first time since the hospital. She ended up needing to bring her three boys with her because her sitter backed out, but that was fine with us. We got to meet them, they got to meet Olivia, and everyone got along swimmingly. We met at McDonald's, ordered a stack of Happy Meals, and settled in for some QT with the birth family.

That visit was, unfortunately, not nearly long enough for any of us. But it was the start of  what I hope will be a long and fruitful relationship. I know that Martin feels loved and that we are enough for him right now. But some day, this first relationship is going to be important to him. I'd like us to be able to provide that ongoing connection so that his relationship with his birthmother is not weird, uncomfortable or upsetting for anyone.

I feel blessed by this child and his birthmother. I can't really explain it much better than that. It feels right.

Sunday, November 4th. We all went to a local music festival for kids, which was to benefit a music endowment named in honor of one of Olivia's first friends. Isaac was born just ten days before Olivia, and we used to go to playdates with them all of the time. I have mentioned Isaac before here. His parents have been tirelessly working to raise awareness of childhood cancers and honor their son with this endowment. We felt we really needed to attend.

It was absolutely a fabulous day! They had non-stop entertainment, including several choral and instrumental groups, dancers, story tellers and percussionists. They had craft stations where kids could make shakers, tambourines and other musical instruments. They had face painting and a photo booth. Olivia was completely occupied for the entire four hours! I'm not sure that has ever happened.

Musical instruments for everyone! Cacophonous!

She fell asleep as we drove home that night. I usually make sure she is clean and hair neatly braided before bed on school nights because she hates getting up early to do it in the morning. But as I tucked her in that night, straight from the car with tangled hair and paint still on her face, I resigned myself to ratty-ponytail-Monday. I wasn't going to worry about her appearance for school. I was just glad that my kid, almost five years old, was able to enjoy a fantastic day of fun and would live to see her fifth birthday.

Cancer sucks, but that little boy's life has blessed so many. Myself included.

Adoption Blogger Interview Project - Adrianne

Today is Interview Project Day!

I had the pleasure of interviewing Adrianne of Finding a Family. In reading through her interview, I thought to myself, "Wow, these could be MY answers if asked the same questions!" I was delighted to learn more about this beautiful family.

I hope you enjoy this interview as much as I did!

1. You have gone through a lot on your journey to become parents. What was the hardest part of getting to this point and why? (miscarriage, infertility, illness, choosing an agency, waiting, etc?)

We endured two miscarriages, unexplained infertility, and allergic reactions to fertility medications which all seemed unbearably difficult at the time that we were suffering through them.  The days seemed longer, the nights seemed darker, and the thought of being invited to a baby shower was just too much.  It was just the thought that we'd never become parents that was so overwhelming.  It did not matter one single bit to us if our child was biologically ours - or shared someone else's dna.  We just wanted to be parents.  We just wanted to be mom and dad.  So, it took us a long time - a really long time - to finally see that God's plan for us to become parents did not include us making babies, but adopting children into our family.  I first requested adoption informational packets shortly after our first miscarriage, but it took a while for my husband to get on the same page.  So, shortly after he was diagnosed with an illness that could be hereditary (Chiari Malformation) we finally realized the path God had planned for us.  While the length of time was certainly the hardest part of the journey, we would not change how things unfolded, because every twist in the road led us to being Dax's mom and dad.

2. How is openness manifested in your relationship with your son's birth family? Do you think that relationship will change (more or less open) as he gets old enough to understand his adoption story?

We longed for an open relationship with our child's birth family and were thrilled when we were chosen by a birth mother who also wanted an open situation.  Our relationship is currently quite open.  We exchange emails, text messages, and packages through the mail on a regular basis.  We agreed to 4 visits per year, but are on track for about 6.  Right now our contact is pretty regular and most of our communication is through email messages.  We've gone to her house and she's been invited to ours.  We want her to know how Dax is doing and how he lives his life.  We want him to know who she is and where he came from.

For his first birthday I worked with Dax's birth mom to create a book called a "lifestory" where she answered questions about where she grew up, her favorite childhood memories, what she likes to do, what her favorite color is, and other things a child might like to know about their biological mom.  The book is small (7x7) and hard backed so it will be ready for Dax's tiny fingers.  We've got it on Dax's bookshelf, so it's ready to read along with all of his other favorite books.  We hope it will be something he can always turn to if our relationship is not the same as it is right now.

We were told that over time the relationship would move further and further into the background.  We hope this doesn't happen, since we want Dax's biologicals to be a part of his life - but we know that as time passes, so will changing of situations which may not always make it so easy for her to keep in touch as she does now.  We pray that we'll always be close and connected - for all of our lives.

3. What aspect of parenting was most unexpected or surprising to you?

In the time it took us to actually become parents we'd read parenting books, taken baby classes, diapering classes, watched videos, and read hundreds of blogs about parenting.  We'd studied and studied until we could not absorb anymore, which is why we were shocked to realize (after Dax was home for a few weeks) that all of this stuff really does come pretty naturally.  It was after a few weeks of prepping bottles for them to not be consumed, changing diapers that were not wet, and waking up in the night to just find him snoozing peacefully away that we learned that our own parental instincts were actually good enough to let us figure this all out.

We also learned that babies are resilient.  We learned that he'd cry when he was hungry, tired, or needed to be changed, and that through basic deduction you could figure out what he needed.  After a little bit more time we even learned to know his cries and what he was needing at the moment.  So, while we prepared for things and thought we'd studied enough, we quickly learned that your mommy and daddy skills are there all along - they just need a baby to pull them out of you.

4. Moms of lots of kids often get stupid comments from random strangers in the checkout line. Adoptive parents and interracial families also get their share of stupid checkout-line comments. From your first year as parents, what is your favorite "stupid people say stupid things" story about strangers in the checkout line (or elsewhere)?

We look different than Dax.  He's got a dark complexion with curly hair and our skin is pasty (75% of the year) and our hair is straight.  It's pretty obvious to people (when we're all together) that Dax was adopted.  Sure, some random 5% of people might think I had an affair with some other man or something, but most people straight away go the adoption route.  Most people just ask us questions because they are curious, and 99.9% we are fine to answer them.  We're glad people ask us questions about adoption and hope that some day they'll adopt too.  Most of the time however, people ask us "Where did he come from"?  I think they are expecting we will say some foreign place, but we don't - he's from the same state we live in - the same metropolitan area.  I think a majority of people (not involved with adoption) just assume that if you adopted a child you must have done an international adoption, so they are just a little shocked when we tell them that Dax is from the same state and country we're currently standing in.

5. On the flip side of that, is there a heartwarming story you can share about someone observing your family? 

We honestly just love anyone who stops and talks to us to learn more about how our transracial family came together.  We love it when people of our grandparents generation stop us to tell us how cute Dax is or how precious our family is.  We know things were different for them 50 years ago and we're glad that our family can be what it is today because of where this country has gone.  We also love it when we have communications with people from different races than ours that would normally never stop to speak to us just because Dax is with us.  He's like a bridge from one culture to another and from one time to another.  He's so much hope, joy, and love for our family and we love sharing that with others we meet.

Once we met a girl in a local supermarket, who reminded me a lot of us a few years ago.  She was happily watching Will and Dax at the deli counter, not knowing that I was watching her.  She smiled as she watched Will make silly faces to get Dax giggling while he waited for swiss cheese.  I made a lap around a produce stand and saw her still staring at them.  There's one employee there who always comes around the counter to see Dax and say hello.  When the employee came to play with Dax I made my way over there to say hello and at that time the girl also spoke.  She asked if she could ask me a question and I told her that she could.  She asked if Dax was adopted.  I smiled and told her he was.  She told me that she and her husband were looking to adopt and were just getting started in picking an agency.  We chatted for a few minutes about adoption, highly recommended our agency, and wished her success in building her family.  We were her, not too terribly long ago and because she stopped to ask us about Dax we pray for her and her family's journey.

6. Where do you find the most support, as an adoptive family?

We feel like God placed so many families into our lives to help us on this adoption journey.  We met people through blogs, through Yelp, through seminars, through church, and through retreats.  We feel a strong connection with others who've adopted and are looking to adopt.  These people were there to help us learn about agencies, openness, waiting, struggles with infertility, and the link to God on our adoption journey.  We feel that being open about adoption makes it so much easier to handle, because you have support from everyone you meet.  We've never faced resistance in how our family was built, and know we've got support wherever we turn.

Baptism

In addition to Olivia's birthday party, we also celebrated Martin's baptism this weekend. I have more to say about the whole day, but for now, here are some photos.

Deacon Grampy traces the sign of the cross on Martin's forehead.

Baptism of Martin Roderick

Family photo

Happy Birthday, sweet Olivia!

My dear, sweet Olivia,

You are five years old today, and I am amazed at the beautiful little girl you have become. You are intelligent and curious and emotional and loving and willful and sweet and a million other things.

You like to dress up and make up your own songs and dances. You are always putting on a diva act, pretending to be a rock star and putting on shows in our living room. Your imagination knows no bounds.

You like beads in your hair but you hate bows on your clothing. You have very specific preferences about what you wear. Luckily, we have enough hand-me-downs that fit your preferences, although I fear that won't last much longer!

You lost your second tooth this past Wednesday and are fascinated with the idea of losing teeth and getting more in. Since you are the only kid in this house (among those I watch) who has already lost teeth, you feel like you are big stuff!

Since the day you were born, you have turned our world upside down and challenged us in so many ways, but we have loved watching you grow and blossom into this inquisitive little person that you are now. I love you, my daughter. Keep growing and exploring and discovering and inquiring. You are beautiful in every way.

November happenings

Good heavens! This month is crazy. I had every intention of posting something every day, in NaBloPoMo tradition. But alas. The crazy has knocked me down. Here are a few things that have happened/will happen this week.

Last Saturday, we visited with Martin's birthmom for the first time since the hospital. That is a whole post in itself. Stay tuned.

On Sunday, we went to a kids' music fest to raise funds for a music foundation named for our friends' deceased son, whose 5th birthday would have been November 2nd. THAT is a whole post in itself. When I get time.

Tuesday was our anniversary. It was also, unfortunately, election day. I don't want to talk about it. We are blocking that day out of our minds and planning to celebrate the anniversary later, when the dust settles from all the birthday madness.

Wednesday, because of school and doctor appointments for the kids I watch, I was home alone with the baby all morning. This has never happened. It was bliss! I spent most of the morning cleaning in preparation for our post-placement homestudy visit that afternoon. Martin spent half the morning sitting on the couch telling me babble-stories in animated voices and the other half napping.

The visit went well. Martin greeted the social worker with a huge grin and then continued to entertain her for the duration of the 25 minute visit. She was smitten! She's off to write the report for the court finalization at the end of the month.

Wednesday night was parent-teacher conference. We heard that Olivia is a whip-smart kid who wants to be boss all of the time, but her teachers are dealing with that, and they love her and think she's delightful. And then we went to retrieve her from the play room and she produced the second of her lost teeth. Now she has a matching set of missing ivories, front and center, bottom row.

The first two teeth she got in...the first two teeth to fall out.

Thursday was my consulation about The Spot on my nose. Doc said it is a superficial basal cell cancer and we can shrink it with a topical solution...possibly even make it all disappear. If not, he will excise whatever is left later. So I have a month of cream to possibly fix the problem. For about two months, I'll have a huge red spot on my nose. But it should heal with no scar. So, good news, and rather anti-climactic.

Today, I have six dozen cupcakes to frost, two batches of chicken chili to make, gifts and party supplies to pack in the car, etc.

Tomorrow is Martin's baptism and Olivia's birthday party. Sunday is our own little celebration of Olivia's birthday. Monday is her actual birthday.

I really can't see past Monday right now, so I'll see you on the flip side.

Eight

Eight years ago today, I said yes to a lifetime with my best friend.

We've had ups and downs. Joys and disappointments. We now have a family portrait that looks nothing like what we would have envisioned on that day, eight years ago.

But God knew what He was doing when He put us together and put us on this path. Happy Anniversary, my friend, my love. I'm happy to share the journey with you.

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is kind of a big month for us, always. My birthday is in November. We got married in November. (Eight years ago Tuesday. We will celebrate by going to the polls. Blah.) Olivia was born in November. Martin will be baptized in November and his finalization date is also this month.

It seems appropriate that this month is also National Adoption Awareness Month. I will celebrate with all of the above, but also by participating in the Interview Project. I am looking forward to introducing all of you to my interviewee and I'm also looking forward to reading the other interviews from this project.

 

I love the internet. There is this whole world of support out there for people like us, creating our families in unconventional ways. Let's share a virtual cup of coffee and get to know each other a little better.

Intense

Yesterday. Well, Olivia went off to school, costume in her backpack, ready for a great day of Halloween parties and whatnot. I was relieved that she was going to have her trick-or-treat fun, because we were opting for Vigil Mass over trick-or-treating for the evening.

Marty refused to nap for more than 45 minutes at a time and demanded to be held for the rest of the day. So there was that.

And then I got a call in the afternoon with my skin biopsy results. I have a basal cell carcinoma. On my nose. And the spot has to be removed.

I freaked out a little. Not so much about the cancer, because there is no real life-threatening danger with this type of cancer. It means double the sunscreen for the rest of my life, but that is manageable. What freaked me out a little is that now I have a consultation with the doctor, scheduled for next week, to discuss my options for removal. My hunch, from the way the nurse talked about it, is that he'll recommend I choose either the easy way which will leave a disfiguring scar, or I'll be forced to choose the hard way, which will require some sort of recovery but less of a scar. I don't KNOW this...I just get the feeling that those will be my options.

I'm not a vain person, but for heaven's sake. I don't want a disfiguring scar on my nose! So, freaking out a little. Consultation is next Thursday, so we'll see what happens.

Olivia brought home some disfiguring news too. But hers is temporary.

Is she really old enough for this?

My baby lost her tooth at school. They gave her a little treasure box to put it in. She was so super excited and couldn't stop talking about it. And then, this morning, she was equally excited about the dollar coin left by the tooth fairy, and how did she get into her room and make the switch without waking me up? Oh, the excitement caused by one teeny little baby tooth!

In trying to find a vigil Mass, we stumbled upon probably the most "high" Mass around. Monk pastor, packed church (due in part to the fact that it was Wednesday night and Mass co-opted the CCD classes), incense, chanting, and longer than it needed to be. I would have truly enjoyed it if we were sans children. But we forgot the diaper bag (no food or diapers for baby) and Olivia was in true 6:30 p.m.-over-tired form. We survived. Probably largely in part to the intercession of the kids' patron saints, to whom I was fervently praying throughout Mass just to keep myself from losing it on Olivia. Those Peruvian saints must be pretty powerful.

Happy Feast of All Saints. Let the November chaos begin.

Spooky

Sunday was the last day that Local Theme Park was open for the season. The last four weeks have been Halloween-themed, complete with hayrides, corn mazes and trick-or-treat trails.

While we'll miss our regular visits to Local Theme Park for the next six months (until they open again), I'm not at all sad to see Halloween go. I'm a little Halloweened-out.

We will not be going trick-or-treating this year. Call me cruel, but between Local Theme Park, campground events with the grandparents and the school's walking tour of local businesses tomorrow, Olivia will have been trick-or-treating more than six times already this season. In three different costumes.

Yeah. I think we're done with that. It was fun while it lasted, but it's time to move on.

Spooky

Our one and only family photo for the entire month of October.

Bring on Thankgiving!

Three Months!

Dear Martin,

My sweet little man! I cannot believe that you are three months old already. As I type this, you are lying on the floor talking to the toys dangling above you as if you are having an actual conversation. You are so serious! You do this a lot, sometimes with inanimate objects, sometimes talking to yourself, but often talking to other people...your sister, me and your Daddy, strangers on the sidewalk. You love it when people talk to you, and you usually reward them by talking back, regaling them with your animated stories in a language only you understand.

You are still my little snuggle-man, happy to snuggle up with anyone who wants to hold you. You are often ready with a smile that lights up your whole face, and you seem to save the best smiles for Mommy.

I love you, my little man. More than words can adequately express. Happy 3-months!

You want me to do what, now?

Oh, you want me to smile! Well, why didn't you say so?

This sister-person, she seems to like me.

My little boy

Marty slept straight through the night last Thursday...10 hours! I actually woke him up at 7:30 on Friday morning. I don't know why...I just felt like maybe ten hours was enough and he needed to eat. He didn't even fuss like he was starving, just smiled at me a lot while I was changing his diaper. And he has not slept through the night since. Figures.

I am baffled by how un-stressed I am by babyhood this time around. Marty is just such an easy baby. He sleeps a lot when we are at home during the week...long morning and afternoon naps and fairly decent night sleep as well. He doesn't sleep much when we are out at church or shopping or visiting people because he wants to look around too much. But even when his schedule is disrupted, he rolls with it.

Olivia SO did not roll with it at that age. If you dared to screw with her nap schedule, there were dire consequences. Like a baby who would not stop crying, would not sleep, would not eat, refused to be held and refused to be put down. Yeah. That.

When Olivia was born, I fell in love immediately with this squalling, needy infant. Maybe it was because I was in the delivery room for her birth, or maybe it was because she made herself known (by crying) from the beginning, but for whatever reason, I felt a strong connection. I would have been absolutely devastated if things hadn't panned out after that.

It wasn't the same for me when Martin was born. For one, we missed his birth entirely and met him for the first time when he was about 12 hours old. And then he was just such a laid-back, sleepy baby that we didn't hear him cry...well, at all, I don't think. Not until we left the hospital. There's something about comforting a tiny crying baby that makes you want to hold him/her forever. But Martin was just snuggly and didn't care who he was snuggling as long as he was being held.

So, for whatever reason, I didn't have that instant connection. I was still terrified that our adoption plans would be interrupted, but that had more to do with how long we'd waited than anything else.

But now...oh, yes. I am in love with this little guy. He snuggled his way right into my heart. Or maybe smiled his way. He's a good smiler.

No one mentioned to me how fun it would be to have a little boy. But oh, it is so fun! He is so sweet and cuddly, and he talks to me like he has something to say. He gives me his best smiles! He just looks at me with that look that says, "Mommy, you are my favorite girl forever!" Melt my heart!

I know it won't always be this way. I know that someday he might take up Olivia's current favorite phrase. ("I don't like you, Mommy!") But for now, I am really, really enjoying my little boy.

Interview Project coming up!

We have a cold. It is the mean, nasty kind that immediately fills your head with muck and your chest with a rattling cough, and then it sets up camp for a couple of weeks. I am exhausted, the baby is snotty and pathetic, and Olivia is being a challenge. So there's not much I really want to say here about our life. However, there is this:

 
This little project is sponsored by Heather. I participated last year and will again this year. If you blog about adoption in any way (adoptive parent, prospective adoptive parent, adoptee, etc), you are welcome and invited to sign up. It's a good way to learn about other perspectives on adoption from many different kinds of people.

I will say this: Heather and I do not agree on many things. I have followed her blog for many years, and I know from reading her that we have a very different philosophy on some certain foundational things. (We won't be voting for the same candidates this election.)

However, when it comes to open adoption and adoption ethics, I have learned a lot from her.  She has challenged me to think long and hard about how agencies, attorneys and adoptive parents treat birth/first parents. Her perspective has helped shape my relationship with our children's birth families. She has inspired me to think of them as an extended part of our family, for their sakes but also for the sake of our children. I have "met" people through her blog who have opened my eyes to all kinds of perspectives on adoption.

As an adoptive parent who is not also an adoptee, I think it is incredibly valuable to read about others' experiences. It can only help us as our own kids grow. So, to those affected by adoption...go, sign up for the interview project! You just might make a new friend or two.

The easiest baby on the block

Marty slept through the night last night. He coughed a lot but kept falling back asleep (thank you, preschool germs and croupy daycare kids for the nasty cold, btw). He woke up for the day at 5:50 a.m. I could get used to that.

Unfortunately, I did not get to fully enjoy the all-night sleepfest. Cramps. Even after painkillers, I still had this annoying dull ache that persisted in keeping me semi-conscious pretty much all night. And now I have a dull headache as a result of my crappy night of sleep.

Dang you, crappy diseased reproductive organs! Can't you just be satisfied with infertility? Do you have to ruin my sleep cycles too? I may be a little grumpy.

 Of course, even though he slept through the night, Marty was greeted by a bleary-eyed Mommy to feed him his breakfast. He's usually ravenous after sleeping more than 5 hours. But this morning, he took a few sips of his bottle, pushed it away and then grinned at me before taking it back.

Not an actual photo from this morning, but you get the idea.

Little stinker. He knew I was having a bad morning, and he was determined to pull me out of my funk.

Sometimes, I wonder how we ever lived without this sweet little guy in our lives.

Pleasant Friday

A very nice, cool breeze is coming in through my open windows and, for the first time all week, the sun is brightly shining. Olivia won't be home from school for another hour and, strangely enough, ALL of the other kids in my house are still napping. It is quite peaceful.

I have caught up on two DVR'd sitcom episodes and washed the dishes and ordered photos for pick-up during my shopping trip later this evening. It feels weird to be sitting here with actual free time on my hands.

Don't get me wrong. There's always stuff that could be done. But there is not anything that needs my immediate attention. That is nice.

This week has been kind of hard. It's been raining and muddy, so I can't send the little noisemakers outside. They are getting a little antsy and possibly bored (which may be why they are all working on 3-hour naps). I think we are all looking forward to the weekend.

Specifically, I'm hoping to spend a whole day at Local Theme park with these two cuties!

Yawn! Can't we get out of here and do SOMETHING interesting?

Challenging children

I read an article today about kids with disabilities, and it made me think of my friend's daughter, Mary, who has Down Syndrome. Mary is a sweet 4-year-old who believes herself to be in charge of everything. Recently, her Mom brought her to help with hospitality at a program we were leading, and Mary was just hilarious. She would march people up and down the stairs, babbling and gesturing to show people where they needed to go. I can understand about 10% of what she actually says, but it is obvious that SHE knows what she is saying. She is determined and headstrong and prone to tantrums, but she is also sweet and social and engaging.

The other interesting thing about Mary is that she is adopted. In other words, her parents consciously chose to accept the challenge of raising a disabled child. And they do so with grace and patience that overwhelms me.

I've seen many families who have been blessed with such a special person in their lives. I have often wondered if we'd be strong enough to open our home to a disabled child. Sometimes, I feel a little guilty for not having done that already. Then I start to feel a little guilty for thinking that, just maybe, our family might be complete with two kids. I mean, there are all these kids out there (especially special needs and foster care kids) who need good homes, right?

It's OK, really, to be happy with "just" two. It's OK not to think about the future and whether or not other kids might someday join our family. Simcha rocks, by the way, for reassuring me of this. Babies are hard. Even easy babies. Sleep deprivation sucks the life right out of you.

Additionally, I realize that we have some special needs in our family right now anyway. Always a challenging child, Olivia has ramped up the level of challenge since Marty appeared. She is emotional and insecure and attention-seeking and NEEDS every ounce of energy I can give her. Yesterday was a good day. She listened and helped out and did what was asked of her probably 80% of the time. There were no major meltdowns. There was relative peace in the household.

And by the time she went to bed, I was exhausted. Bone-tired. Weary. Keeping her at her best requires constant creativity and intervention on my part. Starting to melt down because Mommy needs to fix dinner and can't draw a dinosaur right now at this very second? Oh, wait, didn't we draw a dinosaur already? Look in your notebook...oh, that was a mermaid! Silly me! Can you check your notebook to see if we drew any other mermaids? Are there any with purple hair?  Why don't you draw a bunch of fish friends for the mermaid and see how many friends you can give her before I finish making the soup? I'll bet you can draw at least ten! No, don't touch your brother. No, honey, don't pick him up. He's fine right there. Why don't you show him your mermaid family. Tell him a story about the mermaids. He'll like that. Just don't pick him up. Please. You are doing a great job.

It's an exercise in distraction. And balance. And reassurance. Trying to keep her happy while keeping the baby alive...it is a lot. (And by keeping the baby alive, I mean keeping his sister from crushing him. She is not good at discerning what is "gentle touch" and what kind of touch will cause serious bodily injury to her infant brother.)

What I'm saying is that, for now, two is enough. Sometimes, more than enough. That may change as the kids get older and (please God) less needy. Or it may not. And I'm OK with that. If we are called to be good parents for these two kids, part of that is determining whether a new addition would, in fact, be good for these two kids. And being open to whatever God is calling us to do. Right now, he's calling us to keep Marty fed and happy while paying extra attention to Olivia's emotional needs. And that, my friends, is plenty.

Two months

Yesterday, Martin hit the two-month mark. He seems older than that to me.

So serious.

There are a lot of things I've noticed about his infanthood that are vastly different from Olivia's. He is just so EASY. I'm sure I wouldn't feel this way if I were an inexperienced first-time Mom, as all babies have their difficult moments. He spits up. He fusses occasionally. Sometimes he doesn't want to sleep. But overall? This kid is so laid back, rarely cries without cause and occasionally sleeps through the night at two months old. He's relatively predictable.

By contrast, Olivia's infanthood was hard. Again, I'm sure some of it can be attributed to our first-time-parent status at the time. But I feel a little bit like it was initiation by fire with her. The sleep deprivation of a day-night confused baby was extensive. She didn't figure out that nighttime was for sleeping until she was at least two months old. She spit up a lot, and she had an inexplicable fussy time that tended to last something like two hours at night. It was HARD.

On the flip side, once she figured out how to sleep at night, she started doing it pretty well. She was fairly easy to sleep train after that and started sleeping through the night consistently at 5 months. She was also quick to hold up her head and would entertain herself with toys on the floor quite early. Marty still needs someone to entertain him most of the time that he's awake.

The kids, they get like each other. Olivia is still quite rough and can't be left unsupervised with Marty. But when I can get her to calm down, she is so sweet. She sings to him and talks to him. When he's in one of this chatty moods, he'll lay on his back and just jabber away. She loves to talk to him when he's doing this. He loves to smile at her when she talks to him. It's obvious they adore each other.

Yeah right, Mom. I am simply tolerating her until I'm big enough to fight back!

In other news, Olivia is toying with several different ideas for her Halloween costume. This is one of her ideas. She's a football player. Marty is her football!

I hope I don't have to remind her not to throw this ball.

Looks like a winner to me. Easy, cute, easy. Did I mention easy? Also, look at that big kid sitting next to the monkey and the pillow. How small she once was!

Shots

So, yesterday was Martin's well baby visit, but it was also his day to get his very first round of immunizations. For that, we had to make a visit to the hospital because his doctor doesn't administer them. This is a photo I snapped just prior to his shots. He had just eaten and was very happy...he had no idea that in a few minutes the nurse was going to stick him with three needles.

He cried loudly and briefly after each one (more like an indignant protest, like when you are unjustly punished for something you didn't do) and then got very quiet and just started observing everyone very closely. He was wary of his big sister holding his hand. He was wary of Mommy for letting this happen. But for the nurse, he reserved his very special, very serious stink-eye. I can tell he's going to be an expressive one!

We scheduled all of these things early-ish (7.5 weeks) in order to get them out of the way so we could do our post-placement home visit, which we were told would happen after his 2-month doctor visit. And then we could finalize after that. We were expecting finalization to be scheduled in late September or early October. But apparently the courts are busy...we got notice last week that our finalization hearing will be held November 29th. Grrr!

I suppose this is not a big deal. The way the laws are written in our state, there is an almost non-existent risk of adoptions being overturned after initial placement. However, without finalization, we can't get a social security number or give him our name, legally, so it does provide a little confusion for doctors and the state's online database for vaccinations, etc.

In other news, the kids have become quite fond of each other.

Olivia excels in getting her little brother to smile. He loves to watch her.

Oh, can you feel the love?

Because this IS my baby book...

Martin had his (not yet) 2-month well baby doctor visit today. He is measuring in at 22.5 inches and 11.5 lbs. Wow. No wonder my back hurts a lot.

Also, his head is 15 inches circumference. Although this measurement really means nothing to me.

The end.

Updates

Posting is not high priority in these parts. Can you tell? I spend most of my posting time washing bottles and burp rags. Life with a baby.

Quick update. Olivia got her cast. It is a "wet cast", and can, therefore, go in the tub and the pool. Also, she has pulled the gauze out and tucked it back in about a billion times. Her arm is going to be one big bruise or callous when this whole thing is over.

Still, she rocks the cast. Hates it, but doesn't let it slow her down...much.

Also, Marty is smiling. Unfortunately, he has also learned to turn it off as soon as I grab the camera. But I did manage to get one great smile photo. Don't you just LOVE the dimple? Melt my heart!

I have decided that his grumpiness comes from either overstimulation, deviation from his schedule or his current cold. Ditto for spit-up. Because it is not consistent. He is occasionally grumpy and spits up badly only when he seems very congested. So I'm going with that theory until something else presents itself. Other than a really bad afternoon on Labor Day, he has been happy about 95% of the day. I don't know how I can top that, really.

Oh, and did I mention the hand? How could that have escaped mention here?

 I don't want to jinx it, so I won't give you the details of our sleep schedule last night. All I'll say is that it was much, much better than it has been for the past two weeks. And I'm hoping for more of the same.

I was intrigued by Stephanie's mention of milk sensitivity. Someone else mentioned that too, but in relation to the acne on his face. This lady called it "milk rash". The thought of my baby being allergic or sensitive to milk makes my head spin. I hate soy formula. HATE. We are also huge fans of the dairy industry and their products in this household. I suppose I will have to research options and talk to the doctor. *Sigh*

It is the end of a rather stressful week...the first full week back to babysitting with my sleep schedule all screwed up. Interestingly, adding an infant to the mix has not been hard at all...except for the fact that I'm sleep-deprived, everything else is basically the same. I think it gets easier as the other kids get older.

Babyhood this time around is less hectic, but maybe that's because I'm taking it day-by-day and not getting overly concerned about his milestones. I couldn't wait for Olivia to (fill-in-the-blank). With Marty, I'm kind of just taking it as it comes. It's nice.

I'm also not putting nearly as much pressure on myself to get things done. So the baby thank-you notes are several weeks in the making. So we have eaten soup out of a can more than once this week. So Olivia's bathtub is so dirty that she has had a "stand-up-bath" every day for the last week. We are all still alive and relatively clean and well-fed. It is OK.

Speaking of Olivia's stand-up-bath...there's another reason that she's doing that instead of, say, showering (which would be an even easier way to avoid bathing in a dirty tub). She managed to fracture a finger and jam another one at Local Theme Park last Saturday. It is in a splint until next Tuesday, when they will put a cast on it for a couple of weeks. (Luckily, she injured her left hand, the non-dominant one, or we'd be in big trouble.)

I have a feeling that if she were, say, twenty years old, they would just tape her fingers together and tell her to keep them dry. Instead, they are giving her a full cast, likely because if they don't she will continue to use it and damage it further. Because there's no stopping this kid.

Example: Olivia does this Spiderman hanging trick off of the rope that hangs from our playset. She holds the rope and hangs upside down with her feet touching above her on the rope. Her playmate learned how to do it and was showing her the other day. Not to be outdone, she did the trick too...with one hand.

Kid is going to have a freakishly strong right hand when this whole thing is over.

That is IT! Sleep training starts TONIGHT!!

This is getting a little ridiculous. I am so tired. SO tired. I even got a nap yesterday! Still so tired.

So. Marty has decided that he must be held while awake. He will let you put him down, but only if you stay close and make faces at him. And if I put him in the carrier, he falls asleep. Thus thwarting my attempts to be all baby-wise and manipulate his schedule so that he sleeps at night. AS IF HE WILL EVER SLEEP AT NIGHT, OMG!

I know the sleep training basics. Eat, awake, sleep, repeat. OK. He has no problem with the pattern as long as he is fed every three hours on the nose, is then held for awake time, and is laid down on his tummy.* Unless he has to poop. And then he will squirm and fuss until it happens and after the fact until you clean him up because seriously...boy hates sitting in his own filth. I think I'd be with him there.

Because I have other children demanding attention here, I often have to sit him down and let him *gasp* cry it out. I am ok with that. Unfortunately, we haven't been comfortable doing this at night. He sleeps in a room next door to his sister. And we can't afford to let him wake up his sister. Sleep-deprived Olivia spells disaster for all of us.

Last night, I was at the end of my rope. The very end, friends. He fell asleep around 10 p.m. We put him down. At 12:45 a.m., he was up crying for his meal. I fed him. He produced a very full poopy diaper. I cleaned him up. His belly was full. He was clean and dry. Time to go back to bed.

Oh, no. He wasn't having that. He's not really one to "play", but he did want to look around and coo for awhile. That would be fine if he'd do it alone. But no. You, the mommy-person, must sit around and watch me stare at the ceiling fan for at least 45 minutes or I will scream my head off. Oh, yes, I will.

So yes, he did. In the bassinet, in the (air-conditioned and ventilated) closet. And then I turned the monitor down. And we all slept happily ever after until 5:45 a.m. Except for Marty. He probably screamed for 15 minutes, passed out until 3:45, woke up hungry, screamed until he was exhausted, and then repeated the cycle an indefinite number of times until I woke up on my own and checked the monitor.

And you know what? I felt really bad about it when I woke up. And then I went to pick him up and he stopped crying immediately and looked at me like, "oh, there you are. I'm good now." Stinker.

Good thing he's so darned cute.

And also, one month old today. He looks ready to take on anyone who challenges his right to dominate the household schedule. OK, buddy. Let's go.

*Yes, he now sleeps on his tummy. I think it's ok because last Saturday, he rolled himself over for the first time. Just shy of four weeks old. I put him on his tummy while I did the dishes. He screamed (of course) because I dared to put him down at all. All of a sudden, he stopped screaming. I looked over and he was there, lying on his back with a stunned look on his face, like he couldn't figure out how he ended up on his back. It was hilarious. And then I put him back on his tummy to see if he'd do it again. He did! Little guy has some strong arms!

The boss

I was going to post today about the new boss in town, who has me so sleep deprived that I feel perpetually slap-happy and on the verge of tears. He's a sweet little boss who likes to snuggle but becomes fearsome if you dare to put him down at all, ever, if he is not totally asleep.

But I don't have time to post such a thing because he just fell totally asleep. While the other kids are also napping. This should probably be investigated as a genuine miracle. But I'm too tired to research it. I'm going to go take a nap myself while the boss isn't looking.

Different

I was awakened only twice by the prince last night, which is less than normal. But at the second feeding, Marty cried and struggled over a bowel movement and delayed my getting back to bed by about half an hour. Which was unfortunate, since the babysitting kids started back today, forcing me to actually get up at a scheduled time.

But I feel OK. Strangely, somewhat well rested.

This babyhood is so different than the first. Part of it is due to the differences in personality. Part of it is due to the fact that Martin figured out the difference between day and night a lot earlier than Olivia did. Part of it is due to the fact that we have experience and know better what to expect.

But most of it, I think, is timing.

Having a new baby in July is a lot different from having a new baby in November, y'all. Way different.

The sun is out a lot. That goes a long way toward reducing anxiety. We are not trapped inside for weeks at a time. There was that awful heat wave, but even then we could tolerate some evening outdoor time. And at this time of year we are at a MUCH lower risk of baby contracting a billion types of cold and flu viruses. That helps a lot.

Marty has decided that four ounces is just not enough for his tiny tummy, so we are moving to six for some feedings, especially before bed. I'm sure that's why I was only awakened twice last night. But, friends, he's less than four weeks old! Is it normal for a not-quite-4-week-old to be taking 6 oz per feeding?

I think we may have a linebacker on our hands. An awfully cute one.

 With big eyes!

New normal starts tomorrow

Everything around here is moving at a snail's pace lately. That, of course, is life with an infant. You just get started on something and he wakes up and demands to eat. NOW.

The challenge this time around isn't really with the baby. He is so laid back, except when he wants to eat. He can sleep through noise and movement and everything. He just can't sleep through that gnawing hunger. Which is manageable.

The challenge is keeping the very excited and very excitable 4-year-old from doing bodily harm to her baby brother. Not on purpose of course. But she is just so rough! I am spending more time and energy supervising her interactions with Marty than I'm spending on actually caring for Marty.

So. School starts tomorrow. I start babysitting on Thursday. I had been dreading both of these things because they mean a schedule and getting up at an early hour (not easy when you are up at night with baby).

But after three weeks of desperately trying to explain to Olivia (unsuccessfully) that she cannot flop Martin around like one of her dolls, I am MORE THAN READY for school and other kids. School means she is productively occupied in a place other than home for three days a week. Babysitting means that she has other kids to distract her while she's home the other two days. Who cares if they are all going to destroy my well-ordered house in about 3.5 minutes? At least the baby will be left alone! I hope.

So, on with the next phase of our year. 

Behind the name

Last night was rough. Rain finally came to our drought-ridden area, but it came in a loud and flashy way. Olivia has developed a severe phobia of lightning. Also, she was terrorized in the car last night by a flesh-eating moth (actually, a normal moth, but try convincing Olivia of that), so she had residual nightmares from that. So between the storm, the nightmares and Marty's need to eat, I got about four hours of sleep in fits and starts. I am functioning on coffee and the hope that we will all get to nap today since Olivia will need one after her horrendous night of sleep. It will happen, right?

Today's topic: the baby's name.

From the beginning (like, before Olivia), we had chosen Roderick for a boy's middle name. It is Joe's grampa's name. Grampa just turned 96 and no one in the family has yet honored him with a namesake, so we decided to do it.

For the first name, we wanted a name that was traditional but uncommon. I was hoping he would have a name that was unique among his peers. The very last thing I wanted was for him to be identified by his color... as in, "Which Jacob? Oh, the black one." Plus, I like unique names. Olivia notwithstanding.

And we also thought it would be neat to name him after a black saint. After coming up with a list of names, "Martin" was Joe's favorite, after Martin de Porres. I wasn't yet sold on the name, so I researched his story.

I learned that Martin de Porres was born in Lima, Peru and was mixed race. He was a close friend of St. Rose of Lima (who is Olivia's patron saint...Olivia Rose). He is listed as the patron saint of people of mixed race and those seeking interracial harmony, among other things.

Something about the story just struck a cord with me. After a few days of testing it out in my mind, "Martin" grew on me. So, "Martin Roderick" he became. I most often call him Marty. Olivia insists "his name is MARTIN." Either way, it works.

Here is a picture of Olivia singing her brother to sleep after his bottle this morning. And now I am going to go wash bottles. And nap. If I'm lucky.

Birth story

Little Marty is 8 days old now, and his little cord stump has already fallen off. He sleeps like a little angel and it is already starting to feel "normal" to be a family of four instead of three. Olivia is such a good little helper and also terrorizes me with her attempts to pick up the baby. There are so many little observations to record. But first, the birth story:

We were on tenterhooks for weeks because birthmom was having erratic contractions and pain. But it wasn't until Sunday, July 22nd that we had some certainty about when baby would arrive. Birthmom had gone to the hospital that day, not feeling well, and they FINALLY decided that, based on her symptoms and blood pressure, she should be admitted after midnight and induced.

When she asked the staff about having us come, they said it would probably be most of the day before little guy would make his appearance and that there was really no reason for us to rush up there Sunday night. So she texted us with the information and encouraged us to get a good night's sleep and come up first thing Monday morning. We called around and confirmed our childcare plans for Olivia and re-packed our hospital bags and packed up the car. And then we went to bed.

As it always is when you are anticipating something, I didn't sleep all that well. I kept having vivid dreams about running late. I woke up at 2:00 and had a hard time falling back asleep, so when the alarm went off at 5:45, I immediately snuggled in for a few more minutes.

I finally dragged myself out of bed at 6:05 and checked my phone (which, strangely, had stopped notifying me of new text messages). I went into my text menu and saw a message from birthmom at 5:44 a.m. saying she was so sorry! But they induced and he came right away! Sorry we missed it!

After an initial wave of disappointment, I was actually kind of relieved. This improved our chances of a short stay in Big City (where baby was born) and a better chance of bringing baby home sooner. It also gave birthmom several hours alone with baby, which I think was really good for her.

So, what happened there? Well, they were going to send her home and have her return after midnight, but then her blood pressure started rising pretty quickly, so they went ahead and admitted her. Just after midnight, they applied some sort of gel for induction, and things just started moving. Once they did, he made his appearance within two hours. She didn't have any drugs or anything for pain...it was that fast.

Knowing that there was no fire (we already missed the birth, so arriving at 11 a.m. or 2 p.m. was essentially the same, except arriving later would let birthmom rest a little more and get more snuggle time), we double checked things at home and at Joe's work to make sure we could be gone a couple of days, and then we began the journey. We stopped for a brief lunch and to pick up flowers and a snack for birthmom. And it took FOREVER to get there. At least it felt like forever.

We finally arrived shortly after 2 p.m. And we met the sweetest little guy ever. 

 We visited with birthmom and cuddled baby for most of the afternoon. Birthmom is such a sweet person and it was very nice to spend time with her. I think she was confused about the whole process, thinking we'd want to take baby and be alone with him. But we were excited to share time with her and didn't want to take baby away while she could still spend time with him. I also wanted her to feel comfortable with us since we were the ones with whom she would be entrusting her baby.

Baby spent that night in the room with his birthmom, and she said he slept most of the night (encouraging!). We arrived on Tuesday morning and visited for about an hour before the counselor and attorney came to complete the paperwork and have birthmom sign the termination papers.

That part was a little nerve-wracking for me. I felt confident that birthmom intended to go through the process and place the baby. But it took a good long while, and the longer we waited in the (very small, dark and depressing) "parent room", the more I thought about how hard it would be to be in her shoes. And then Joe said something like, "maybe she's backing out" and then my thoughts started going crazy.

After about a million years, the attorney finally opened the door to the parent room and said, "Congratulations!" And then we signed our paperwork. And we were officially named "legal guardians with petition to adopt" this sweet little boy.

As long as baby had his hospital tags on, he could be left alone in birthmom's room while we went to lunch or let her have some time alone with him. The nurses had said he could likely be released early, by Tuesday afternoon, and we were waiting on the results of a test to be done at 2 p.m.

We visited with birthmom alone while they did the testing. The nurse brought baby in later and said he checked out OK and we'd be discharged in a couple of hours. Birthmom's meds were kicking in and she needed a nap, so we took baby to the parent room for awhile. Nurses came in later to take him away and complete his newborn screen and prepare him for discharge. When they brought him back, he was tagless and ready to go home!

We carried baby (sans bassinet) back to birthmom's room for good-byes. That was really, really hard. We sat while she gazed at him and her eyes started tearing up. I desperately wanted to let her have some time alone to say good-bye, but we were told by the nurses that now that he was tagless, he HAD to stay with us for liability reasons. So we just sat. And then she handed him over and started crying as we put him in the car seat. Walking out the door as she sat there alone was very, very hard.

Marty slept most of the way home and was ready to greet his sister and grandparents when we arrived at our door after 9 p.m. Olivia was goofy tired and super excited, so the first meeting was a little nerve-wracking for me. I kept thinking she'd drop him or something. But after many kisses and hugs and loving from his new family, Marty went off to sleep and Olivia did too, and our new "normal" started as a family of four.