I got an email yesterday from a secretary at the agency that connected us with Olivia's birthmom. Olivia's biological grandmother had called requesting that we contact her. It was sort of out-of-the-blue, but I had been hoping for some sort of contact, so I called.
She was very excited to hear from me. We chatted for about five minutes about Olivia, her kids, her grandkids, Olivia's tall genes, etc. Then she gave me Olivia's birthmom's contact info.
I called her. She was VERY surprised to hear from me...but pleased. Seems that she thought she had given me her new address before her phone was cut off some 14 months ago. She didn't, and I explained when we lost contact and she realized that she hadn't passed that info on. She didn't have much time to talk, but she asked me to call back this afternoon.
So I will. I am interested to see where this will go, but most of all I'm just relieved to be able to send pictures and updates and let birthmom know that Olivia is beautiful, smart and happy. Maybe this will lead to a reunion of sorts or more openness...it sort of depends on how things go with her since we tried this once before and she kept dropping the ball. We'll be careful to do whatever we think is in Olivia's best interest.
I feel different about this now than I did last year. At that time, I still felt like she somehow had the upper hand on me...like I had to do everything I could to please her because of what she had given me. Now, with all that has transpired, I realize that we're in control here and that WE make decisions about what is best for Olivia. I REALLY hope that some contact with birthmom is possible and becomes a positive experience in Olivia's life, but I know now that there are reasons why that may not be the case, based on birthmom's personal life and decisions that have affected her own three children. We will absolutely proceed with phone calls and letters for now, and we'll see as we go along if we can trust her enough to let her have some face-to-face contact with Olivia.
I like the idea of open adoption. Whether or not it's a good idea in this case...well, we'll just have to wait and see.