Diagnoses

Those of you who have been reading for awhile know that I spent last week in Omaha enduring a series of tests and procedures to figure out exactly what causes the wacky cycles, intermittent pain and infertility. We got a lot of information that leads to a series of diagnoses. There are a couple of hormones that are low and need to be addressed, as well as a chronic inflammation of the endometrium that we can treat fairly easily. The rest was not so easy.

As it turns out, I have more endometriosis. In addition, the endometriosis that was lasered during my surgery in 2006 led to adhesions...a lot of adhesions. We saw a video that they took during the scope. One tube is twisted. The other is sort of kinked. And ALL of my reproductive organs are bound to each other and to other organs by these rubber-band-like adhesions.

So. It can be fixed. But it will require more surgery. The kind that requires 3-4 nights in the hospital and a 6-week recovery. Oh, and a two-week stay in Omaha, with a second laparoscopic procedure to take place ten days after the first, invasive one. This procedure is unique to Dr. Hilgers and leaves a 3-4% chance of recurring adhesions (as opposed to a 60% + chance typical with this surgery), and it's absolutely the right thing to do for various reasons. It dramatically improves my chance of someday getting pregnant. But more important than that, it dramatically reduces the chance of future hysterectomy...a chance that, right now, is high. And I REALLY want to avoid that.

There is a lot to do. I've had to notify the parents of the kids I watch, who now have to find alternate arrangements for their kids for more than a month. My husband needs to figure out how to do some work away from work, as he doesn't have enough vacation left to cover two weeks away. Most importantly, we need to figure out what to do with Olivia. And I am filled with anxiety at the prospect of leaving her home for more than two weeks. Leaving her for ONE week was HARD, and she's suffering from some behavioral issues as a result. I don't even want to THINK about how to deal with two weeks. I want to just hire a nanny to come along, get a second hotel room and bring her with us. But I'm pretty sure that's not the most cost effective option, and probably not the best option for Olivia's stability or for my recovery anyway.

And yet, as I imagine lying in a hotel room doing nothing but resting for days between the two procedures, I'm filled with dread at the thought that Olivia will be so far away and I can't be with her. I don't even have any idea who will watch her during those two weeks yet. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

At the end of this, I should have a state of health like I haven't known in years, if ever. But right now, what I'm feeling...I don't wanna go. I don't wanna have major surgery and feel pain and exhaustion for weeks while I recover. I don't wanna leave my baby at home. I know this is the right thing for us, but it is pushing me WAY outside my comfort zone.