Tiny clothes

Today I have an unexpectedly light day...three kids instead of five. Two kids are asleep on the couch. The youngest of my charges today is adorably toddling around, happily carrying her sippy of milk around and talking to random pieces of furniture in her baby-babble-speak. And smiling...she is full of smiles today. Olivia is off at preschool. So...easy, at least for the moment.

I am taking this opportunity to do a little Spring cleaning. Yesterday I cleaned too-small clothes out of Olivia's closet and bagged them up for her cousin. Today I decided to tackle the pack-n-play in the third bedroom...supposedly a prepared haven for second baby, but which has lately become a storage bin for anything-that-doesn't-have-a-home-at-the-moment.

After cleaning out non-baby-related items, I organized what was left. One huge Thirty-*ne style tote full of blankets. Two boppy pillows. One mostly-empty diaper bag (ready to be filled with diapers, wipes and formula) and one diaper bag full of the cutest little yellow-and-green newborn onesies, pants and sleepers. And bibs and burp rags, because I remember what Olivia was like. Gah!

It occurred to me that I first packed that bag more than three years ago, when we finished our first homestudy post-Olivia. Three years. That is one ridiculously long gestation.

Yes, we have switched agencies. Yes, we are only 8 months in with the new agency (whose reputation says we should have been placed or at least matched by now, though...). But the waiting...it is getting to me.

Back when we were assessing our options for baby #2, we attended an information session at a local agency for international adoption. We were very interested in China and/or Vietnam. But at the time, it appeared that there would be a 2-3 year wait (after 6-9 months completing paperwork and homestudy), and we really couldn't fathom that kind of wait. One to two years, maybe, but three? That seems like a really long time and Olivia will be so much older than #2 if we do that. There are babies here who need homes. Let's do domestic again.

Three years. We are there, friends.

It appears that, once again, the old saying is true. If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Looking back, I can see there were times when having a baby in addition to Olivia and her behavior and developmental needs would have been more than challenging. But that doesn't make it any easier to wait.

I know that God can draw straight with crooked lines. I know that the child who ends up in our family will be there because, in some unique and divinely-inspired way, the birthmom will connect to us and to our family and we to her. We are creating a different kind of family here. We know that. We've seen it in our ongoing relationship with Olivia's birthmom. God places people in our lives (and us in theirs) for very good reasons. So maybe we are still waiting for that specific connection that God has in mind that will benefit all parties the most.

I just wish I had some indication of how long that wait would last. And maybe a special money tree to pay for the monthly marketing fees while we are wishing for impossible things.