Five reasons

We took Olivia to a high school soccer game last night, and I'd like to list five reasons why it is NOT a good idea to take a toddler to this or ANY sporting event.

5. When a toddler sees people playing some sort of game with a BALL...especially a game played on GRASS, she is overcome with an overwhelming desire to run out onto the field and join in. No matter how many times you tell her, she does not understand that the white line that designates the boundaries of the field means "DO NOT CROSS" for anyone not wearing a uniform.

4. When people in the stands start shouting cheers, like "Go Defense!" or "Good shot!", your toddler is likely to start shouting too. Except that she doesn't really understand that the point is to cheer, so she starts shouting, "No Screaming!" over and over in response to the cheers.

3. When you stop to talk to people you know, your toddler is unlikely to stand or sit quietly while you make small talk. Instead, she will see it as an opportunity to make a break for it and try to run onto the field.

2. It is a waste of money to pay for two adults to see a game. What ends up happening is that one person has to chase the toddler to keep her from running onto the field (or into the parking lot), climbing off the side of the bleachers, or stealing other people's concessions. The other person might get to see some of the game...until the child-chasing person gets so tired of chasing the child that she demands a break. And, of course, you go home at half time in order to get the toddler in bed on time, so you miss half the game anyway.

1. It is nearly impossible to discipline your toddler at a ball game. If you try, she will scream bloody murder until people look at you like you must be a child abuser to have elicited such a response from that dear, sweet child.

And we've tried this with two soccer games AND two football games already this season. You'd think we'd learn.