Melancholy

This week, our dear friends finalized the adoption of their one-year-old foster child, whom they've parented since she was 3 months old. She is their third child, all three adopted. She will be baptized this weekend.

Today, a single mother we know had a baby, her fourth, but the first that (she hopes) she gets to keep. The others were removed to foster care. She believes she has cleaned up her life. I hope, for this baby's sake, that she has.

On Tuesday, I wrote this month's check for "marketing and advertising" to our adoption agency. Every month that I write that check, it feels like rejection. I called for our update and learned that the birthmother they called us about a few weeks ago has chosen another family. We are "out" to four others who haven't yet chosen. I know that these women have a lot to consider when choosing a family for their babies, and it is a choice that is entirely theirs. I cannot even imagine being in that position. But it still hurts to be passed over time and time again.

Yesterday, my body gave me a physical reminder once again that, for me, conception is a pipe dream. I am dependent on another mother entrusting me with the job of mothering her child. I have to "sell" these women on my family. I have never been much of a salesman.

June is our "off" month. We'll still be "shown", but not to anyone due immediately because of our big family vacation at the end of the month (read: expensive long extended-family gathering that has been a year in the planning). So I'll try to put this aside for awhile and write only about happy and fun things for awhile. Like vacation. And getting to meet some pretty cool mommy bloggers while on vacation. More on that later.