Thursday, January 21, 2010

Ahead to June

So, yesterday I got the all-important (in my head) call from Dr. Hilgers' nurse to schedule my visit to Omaha and surgery. We have appointments scheduled for a whole week (ultrasound series), concluding (I hope) just six days after surgery when I'm supposed to have my follow-up, reveal-all-the-results-of-this-exhaustive-testing appointment. And then I come home, hoping to be healed or very much on the way to healing.

I've been thinking about this a bit today, mostly because I haven't told my family yet about this and we need to discuss it since we will absolutely need their help in watching Olivia. (We were going to take her with us, but then it occurred to me that on Day 2 of our stay I'll have surgery that will give me weepy incisions and make my abdominal muscles sore for at least a week, and, well, it would just be easier to avoid the inevitable meltdown about how Mommy won't hold me!)

So it occurred to me that a lot of people are probably going to wonder why we are doing this again. I had this same surgery in 2006, and we are perfectly happy with adoption as our path to baby #2, so why go through all of this medical stuff again when/if pregnancy is just not that important.

It's a complicated question. Two years ago, I was sure that I was abandoning a medical infertility cure forever. We felt God's call to adoption, and we thought that was that.

Funny thing about God...he doesn't reveal his whole plan all at once.

Over the past year, I have become more and more concerned about the unusual (for most people) patterns that continued to be evident in my cycle. Pre and post-surgery, my cycles remained the same. I got the gnawing feeling that something was causing all of this, and it might possibly be in the best interest of my health to nip it in the bud. But to do that with a doctor I trusted was going to involve a lengthy process and quite a bit of expense. And so I dragged my feet. More and more, I felt like I was being nudged closer and closer to the decision to just do this thing. And here we are.

So, it seems God is leading us to surgery (in June). To what end, I don't know, but we are doing it nonetheless. In the meantime, we continue to wait for adoption #2, trusting fully that by opening all of the doors again, God will lead us to our next child.

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