Monday, May 24, 2010

Facing the possibility of fertility

Sometime...maybe 2-3 years ago...after lots of trying-to-conceive and fertility evaluation, we came to the unspoken conclusion that pregnancy was pretty darn near impossible to achieve in our current state. We don't KNOW that, but knowing all of the medical problems and seeing the glaring evidence in the return of my cycle every single month led us to believe that we were in a state of severe infertility. And then we adopted Olivia. So we just left it at that.

In other words, we haven't been trying to conceive. But we haven't been trying to avoid conceiving either. While I keep up my charts daily, we haven't actually been using them for any sort of timing reason whatsoever. We didn't think there was really any point either way.

All of that is about to change. Next week, I go for surgery and diagnostic procedures to try to get a treatment plan for all that is wrong with me as a result of what is wrong with my hormones, etc. And it kind of occurred to me recently that could very well mean that we might actually have to start paying attention to the chart again soon.

I'm not counting on a return to fertility. It would be nice, yes. But there are some pretty wacky things wrong with me that are all conspiring against the idea of procreation. However, this guy is the best. I mean, the best of the best. He has been successful in overcoming some pretty crazy odds for a lot of couples.

And this means that, for the first time in years, we will need to be consciously aware of days of fertility and infertility. I'm not really used to that. I'm not sure how to feel about it. On the one hand, I'm hopeful. On the other, I don't really relish the idea of setting myself up for month after month of hoping in vain. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what God has in mind.

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