Tuesday, October 9, 2007

I'm not so good with the patience thing...

On Friday, I learned from the counselor that our birthmom had decided to just deliver in her current state of residence. OK, we can deal with that. And she wants to make sure we are still on board with the adoption plan. Yes, of course. However, our lawyer has yet to make contact with her to reassure her of this.

On Sunday, birthmom had a phone conversation with the counselor. She expressed anxiety over not hearing from our lawyer and wanted to know if she could speak to us personally to know that we are still wanting to adopt her baby. Problem is...I don't know if it's OK for us to call her. We got all these instructions from our lawyer about what to say/not to say, and I got the impression that we were to talk to him before making any contact with her. That would be all fine and well if the counselor were still actively involved as liaison, or if the lawyer was actually calling her to give her the info. But as of today, Tuesday, I have left two messages at his office and he hasn't yet called back.

Additionally, birthmom asked the counselor if she should be looking for a different couple to adopt her baby. She is really concerned about our interest in this plan, and she hasn't been reassured. I SO want to call her and say YES, YES, you have NOTHING to worry about and we still want to move forward as planned.

Now, I know our lawyer is experienced and very capable and probably is just working on some details or hasn't had time to get to my messages yet. But I am FREAKING OUT HERE PEOPLE!! I'm not good with patience, and I NEED information...any information. I thrive on information. It is EXTREMELY hard for me to just sit and wait, with no information.

I'm reading this book about the Journey of Infertility (don't know the exact title) by Lois Flowers. The content is good...it really describes a lot of my journey up to this point. Amazingly, it is also extremely comforting in the midst of an uncertain adoption plan. I think it is one of the tools that has helped keep me sane these last couple of weeks. That, and the busyness factor. Unfortunately, my schedule has lightened a little too much, leaving me time to obsess. In an ideal world, I'd have contact with the birthmom, would know when (exactly) she was scheduled to deliver, and could make a plan for that. But then I'd still obsess about factors beyond my control...her lack of prenatal care since moving to another state, whether or not her medical coverage will apply, whether we should commit to being there for the birth (as she originally requested) or protect our hearts by waiting to drive the several hours to the hospital until after we learn that both birthparents have signed their TPRs. Nothing at all in this equation is perfectly according to my plan. What...plan? I think I hear God laughing.

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