Thursday, October 25, 2007

To burst the big bubble of fog...

...the one that has existed over this whole "idea" of adoption...

Our lawyer (let's call him Jim) called yesterday to report in after his discussion with the birthmother's lawyer (and we'll call him Barry).

So Barry met with the birthmom for the first time yesterday. After his interview with her, he determined the following, with some degree of certainty:

1. She is determined to place this baby for adoption.
2. She is convinced that we are the parents for this baby.
3. She really, truly wants us in the delivery room, if at all possible.
4. She wants to have the c-section scheduled 2-weeks early, if possible.

After his discussion with Barry, Jim strongly encouraged us to reconsider going to the birthmom's state for her scheduled c-section so we can be there for her during the delivery. He also discovered more details on the legal process involved in that state and briefed us on how long we can anticipate being there and what other things we might expect.

All in all, he encouraged us to make preparations to travel and be ready to go in about 10 days.


We should have a pretty solid, scheduled due date after the birthmom's appointment with her doctor on Friday. I will talk to her that afternoon, and look forward to seeing how she is handling these final stages.

Last weekend, my husband's sister was in town visiting, and we discussed some of the final stages of what is going on in this adoption plan. She seems to have some difficulty seeing domestic adoption as anything other than bartering for a human life.

I see it differently. Throughout this process, I've been pretty concerned about making sure we didn't put pressure on the birthmom...that it was her decision to make. But given her situation (which I won't explain in detail, to protect her privacy), this is truly what she wants to do, and she at least seems to be really happy about it. For a variety of reasons, she feels strongly that she CANNOT care for this child, and is just really relieved to have found a couple she likes to be the parents of this baby. I'm feeling pretty comfortable and confident that all will go according to plan. And I know that this special birthmother will be in our prayers for the rest of our lives.

I'm sure that there have been instances in which domestic adoption has been a painful and coercive experience in which the birthmother was not given many options. That was what I wanted to avoid at all cost. And I think we have. God bless this baby and her first mother as we approach her birth day.

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