Tuesday, October 23, 2007

What? My life is going to change? You're kidding...

In the past week, I have met with many new moms (through both birth and adoption) who have been quite congratulatory about our pending adoption plans. As I recount my plans to bow out of various boards and responsibilities as soon as I can, they all have said some version of "yeah, you think you're busy now...just wait. Your life is about to change dramatically."

In some ways, I think this is just about the stupidest thing that people can say. I mean, who doesn't realize this? Don't they know I've been spending hours just sitting and thinking of the many ways our life is going to change? That I spend that last 20 minutes every morning lying in bed and hitting the snooze and realizing that this luxury of hitting snooze is about to end?

And then it hit me last week after my weekly phone conversation with our birthmother...she mentioned that she was about 35 weeks along so far, and she expects that they might schedule the c-section at 38 weeks.

WHAT? We're talking roughly two weeks from now people. That's soon.

Not that I haven't had this "window of possibility" circled on the calendar since August, but seriously. Now I'm focusing in and looking at all that I need to get wrapped up at work and all the things I STILL don't have ready for the baby, and I'm starting to freak out...just a little.

Anyway, it's really not that bad, but it is a shocking revelation...when you've waited and hoped and dreamed about having a baby, and you realize that it's roughly two weeks away from actually happening.

In the back of my mind, I still have that part of me that's holding out on joy because of the possibility that the birthmom might still change her mind. And that is something that she has every right to do. At this point, based on her circumstances, I really don't anticipate her changing her mind, but that's always a possibility.

So I guess it's all feeling a little surreal right now...like it's something we are anticipating but don't really expect to happen until it really does. And I guess no amount of preparation will be enough to prepare us for the reality of the experience.

No comments: