Last Thursday I spoke to a mother's group on the topic of adoption, and I titled my presentation, "Openness to Life and Adoption". Now, if you've been reading this blog for awhile, you'll know that I wrote a whole series of posts on that topic several months ago (and you can read them again in the "Openness to Life" tab). The presentation was pretty much a compilation of those posts, with a little extra information to appeal to the audience. I scripted it so I would remember what I was saying and then I read it through a dozen times or so. So far so good, right?
Yeah. Let's just say that writing and reading are not NEARLY as emotional as actually SPEAKING the words. I wavered here and there and was doing fine until I got about 2/3 of the way in, and then I started sobbing. Uncontrollably. I had to leave the room and compose myself before I could finish.
The group was so nice about it. I don't know...it probably enhanced it or made the point for some people. The talk was about Olivia's adoption, but the point of the talk was that being open to God's call can lead us to unexpected and amazing joy. It was at exactly the point where I was making this point that I broke down.
I think it may always difficult for me to speak plainly about this. I have spoken about Olivia's adoption in one form or another dozens of times. Usually it is a paragraph in a larger talk about something else, so I can contain my emotions. But this talk...well, I think it will always be difficult to keep my emotions in check thinking back and speaking about this very special time when we could tangibly feel God's hand working in our lives.